18. Being a Good Guest

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18. Being a Good Guest

Updated January 19 2003

If you are invited to someone's house in the evening, it is almost always will be for dinner. Never arrive empty handed.

Wine.

It is always appropriate to bring something, NEVER a VIN de table (table wine) or inexpensive unknown wine. A good bottle of wine is nice, but you have to be careful, because your host has taken great pride in deciding which wine to go with each course. You can ask first for their suggestion, considering the menu. If you bring sparkling wine, make sure it is Champagne or a very good California sparkling wine. You could offer the wine wrapped with a bow, as a gift for their cellar. If you should bring wine, it should b clearly understood that it is a gift for their collection. But on the other hand if your host insist...well by all means drink it!

Flowers.

A well-wrapped bouquet of flowers, flowers should be in odd numbered amounts, often seven, but never 13. And remember some flowers are a no-no. Chrysanthemums (which are for funerals) or carnations (bad luck) or red roses (reserved for lovers and close friends) so let someone who knows flowers decide for you.

A nice idea with flowers, if you know early enough, time permitting, have the flowers delivered. This is thoughtful for two reasons, one if someone else was invited, and they also brought flowers that were not as nice, or were smaller than yours, no one is embarrassed. Also, if you have the time for them to be delivered, this will allow your host to have the time to find a nice vase to display your arrangement in. Your host will not have to run around looking for a vase at the last moment, they may or may not have, taking time away from hosting.

Or you an deliever the flowers over earlier in day if you wish. This is a very thoughful gester all the way around. ( Thank you Patti).

My dear friend Patti was not able to attend a small dinner I was giving, but she stopped by early in the day and brought over a beautiful bouquet of flowers for the table. Patti you are awesome!

***Note: Good chocolates or sweets are also nice choices.

Do not ask to take a tour of their home.

Most French apartments are small. If they want to show you their apartment. Let them offer. It is considered a breach of the private vs. public "face". Again, they are more private, and more formal than we are.

***Note:

When invited in, and you are offered an aperitif or a cocktail, don't have the faute de gout (bad taste) to ask for wine. Wine will be served with the meal. Cocktails will usually be something sweet like vermouth (Martini in France) or a very short whisky. Let your hosts serve you and stand to receive your drink when it comes and to greet other guests.

***Note: There will be something to nibble, crackers or nuts rather than fancy American hors d'oeuvres (which on a restaurant menu usually means “assorted vegetables”.

Life revolves around the meal table in France, not around the living room .I found this little tidbit in one of my books: regarding French homes:

"Do not help yourself to the bar (unless instructed to do so)

Do not investigate more closely interesting books on a shelf or object in a case. You are there to be an interesting human being, first. People are more important.

Regarding, Helping out your host.

I have read many articles on this. They are all pretty consistent on the subject. You are the guest; your host wants you to be treated as a guest. Do not automatically help clear away dishes, or go into their kitchen. First, ask if you could help, if your host tells you no, accept that. Do not put up protest.

Kitchens are small; you will only be in the way. And your host may not want you to see all the preparation that had gone into your meal, so respect their wishes and have a seat where they tell you, and enjoy the moment.

Dress Attire

Dress slightly better than you think is appropriate. The French, even young people and students, tend to dress well when going out socially. Yes, including someones home.