12. Nonverbal communication

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12. Nonverbal communication

The Smile... ( or lack of...)

Updated January 20 2003

Being American, this is going to be your single biggest non-verbal miscommunication when in France. The tendency of Americans is to smile all the time, to appear friendly and reasonable. The French do not trust a smile. If they can see no apparent reason for it, it smacks of hypocrisy, a very unpleasant thing to a French person.

This is a passage from one of the books on French Customs , “Culture Shock! France”. Here the author writes:

“ I am a Californian. I smile automatically. I look better when I smile and I feel better. But in France I constantly remind myself to wipe that smile off my face as I walk down the street just happy to be in Paris. It gives the wrong message. It makes people nervous, if I do. Am I an idiot, they wonder? Am I laughing at their expense? While I love France and I love being there. I know that a constant smile on my face will not convey my appreciation. Do not get me wrong- you can smile a lot when in France. But not until you break that public shield and get involved with someone specific for a specific reason.

You do not smile at a stranger on the street and say “hello” just to be friendly. If a construction worker whistles at you or a stranger gives you “the look” or a street person asks you for money, your lack of expressing keeps the situation neutral and dignified. It is your best response. "...

This is not to say the French do not smile or that smiles aren't important. The French love to smile, and do so very quickly, as soon as a reason to do so has been established.

The Reverse Kiss

The French make a “poof” sound, at the same time blowing air out of their mouth and protracting their lips. That means, “it's nothing”, either negative or positive, depending on the situation and context. It is currently a very popular expression and one of many non-verbal means of communication you will find.

Shaking Hands

The French shake hands with everyone they know, unless they kiss them, instead. It is not a strong handshake, in the gripper American-style, with a long serious moment of eye contract. It is a brief holding of the hands with an even briefer visual acknowledgment, but it is most important as a French greeting.

Silence and its Preserves.

Silence preserves allows polite distance between people in a public places. Neighbors in a building, respect each other's privacy by maintaining silence as they wait together on the ground floor for the lift (but only after they have acknowledged each other with a Bonjour . Alway, always when you walk into a place of business you acknowledge someones presence. Even in apartment buildings tenants may go no further than this in their relationship for years!

Silence on the Metro and on the Trains.

The train compartments will usually have a group of 4 seats; 2 together and 2 facing each other. Silence is usually maintained among the passengers after acknowledgment of their presence. If there is a conversation between two friends among the four seat , it will be conducted as quietly as possible, out of respect for others' privacy, i.e. their right to silence.

The exceptations I have found are usually around the Tourist areas. Around the Champs Elysees, the Franklin , and the CDG Metro trains are the loudest. These trains are always full! And the noise really stands out, after you become use to the quiet dim from the other trains.

Silence and an expressionless face are neutral and are maintained until human contact is made. It is hard for an American not to smile when he is just walking down the street on a sunny autumn day. Americans are taught to smile, no matter what. The French are not taught that. They need a reason to smile. (Hummmmm…. strange isn't it?)

It's up to you. If you are a woman and find you can not help yourself , and find yourself smiling at strangers, you will find yourself never short of men trying to chat you up for un cafe'. If you are are male, do not be disappointed if she does not smile back, hey! maybe she is interested, she is just playing hard to get. If she does not smile back, wait for her to pass, and then turn around and see if she looks back.

In Que at a Market- Grocery Stores

You can always expect a long que at the large markets like the Monoprix. THe French are use to the long lines. You find there will be a que for EVERYTHING in Paris. If the wait is overly-long, the French will make body motions indication their impatience and they may throw a look of exasperation at other customers in the line for confirmation of the situation, but they will almost never speak. They would be horrified by those Americans who tell their most intimate life details to anybody who will listen at the check- out counter.